Beyond The Checklist

045: How You Can Embrace Love and Trust God When Your Child Comes Out As Gay || Becky Mackintosh


Welcome to the spiritually minded women podcast. If you’re a woman who is ready and willing to be a follower of Jesus, you’re in the right place. Join me as we dive in deep to learn how to embrace your journey on the covenant path with checkpoints instead of checklists, I’m your host Darla Trendler and I’m cheering you on.

Welcome to your journey.

Darla: Welcome to the Spiritually Minded Women Podcast. This is Darla. I’m thrilled to be here today with my guest. I have sitting here with me on zoom, Becky Mackintosh. She is someone that I have wanted to interview for a long time. And I am really so grateful to have you here today, Becky. Thank you so much.

Becky: Thank you, Darla for this opportunity. I am thrilled. 

Darla: So happy to have you, so to start off, would you just tell everyone a little bit more about you. 

Becky: Sure. So I live in Lehi, Utah with my [00:01:00] husband, Scott, and we are currently empty nesters. We have seven children that are grown and married and raising children of their own.

We have 16 grandchildren with our youngest just born two weeks ago. And the oldest grandchild is ten. Family gatherings are loud and chaotic and fun. I just love my family. So they all live within about a 30 minute radius of me, which I never thought would ever happen and be possible. I’ve had children that have lived out of state but they’re all here in Utah right now. And I’m grateful for that.

Darla: That’s amazing to have seven kids that are adults that live that close. That’s really great. So what we’re going to talk about today, you’ve written a book called Love Bodly about your experience your perspective with your son when he was 24, he came out as gay to you and your husband. And I wanted to bring you on today to talk about that experience, because I think it’s something that so many are dealing with and it’s something that we need to hear perspectives about so that we can learn to love, like the Savior [00:02:00] loves and help those that we come in contact with.

So to start off, would you just tell me about that experience? What was that like? What, what was going on in your life? What did that look like? 

Becky: Yeah. So this happened back in 2012. And like you said, he was 24 years old. It was on January 9th, 2012. And it was the night before he was to head back to school.

He was attending school at BYU Hawaii, and literally in the 11th hour, like he, he knew he was going to come out to us. He’d been stirring about it for months. He later told us and he wanted to come out to us. He was home on Christmas break, but it was literally the 11th hour, the night before he was heading back, like that’s how nervous he was.

And he sent his father and I a private Facebook message to let us know because scary to do this in person. And I read it, I immediately called him. He was out visiting his friends saying goodbye, because like I said, he was leaving the next morning and wouldn’t be home for another year.

So [00:03:00] I immediately called them and said, oh, I got your message. I love you. Please hurry home so that we can talk about this. And my poor son, like his phone shortly after that died, he ran out of gas. He had to run over a mile to a sibling’s house and wake them up to go help him get some gas and all this, knowing that he was going to come home and have this scary talk that he had been dreading and running every possible scenario of how we would react in his mind.

 And he finally walked through the house at 1:30 in the morning and my husband who is not a night owl, I don’t know how he could go to bed and sleep, with something like this, but he went to bed and he was asleep.

But my son and I, we stayed up till four in the morning on the couch just talking crying, hugging. It was not something that was on my vision board ever. I was not prepared. The thought had crossed my mind a few times. Because he [00:04:00] wasn’t super girl crazy. The girls were always chasing him. Here’s this attractive, kind hearted, just fun young man.

But he never showed any real interest in girls. Like he was dating a lot, but the girls were initiating it and I just thought, oh, he’s saving his money for his mission. He just doesn’t want to have a girlfriend before his mission. Just such a good kid. And then after his mission, as he was going to school, I’d still say who are you dating mom, I don’t have time for that.

And he was always on the Dean’s list. And plus, he’d say you don’t really date mom. You just hang out. And he was always in big groups, but the thought would cross my mind. Is he gay? No, he would never choose that. You know, at that time, I thought that was something they would choose.

And why did he choose that? And he was always this kindhearted happy boy growing up. He was the deacons quorum president, the teachers quorum president, the first assistant in the priest quorum. Served a mission. And so it was, [00:05:00] it just, it really rocked my world But then I thought, okay, we can do this.

How are we going to fix this? Oh no, you can’t choose this. And there weren’t a whole lot of resources then I didn’t really, I didn’t know of any, I found one book at Deseret Book in quiet desperation by Ty Mansfield and the Fred and Maryland Mathis. And I grabbed that book and devoured it.

And my son asked my husband and I to read another book that was by Carolyn Pierson “No More Goodbyes”. And I had started to read it but it was too tough of a read. I was just too emotional. So I tucked it under my bed and literally for the next two years we didn’t talk about it a lot. Life just went on and we would have some conversations about it.

As far as I knew, he wasn’t dating. And so that was good. He was, keeping on that covenant path. So my mama heart could relax a bit. And then he was coming home again for school in 2014. So two years [00:06:00] later and he said, mom, I’ve read everything you and dad have ever sent me.

And really you’ve never sent me anything that I haven’t already read and studied before mom I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. So I have Googled and searched, like everything that the church has said and on this and he says, I’ve asked you to read one thing and you haven’t read up. And so I promised him and myself that I would Read that before he came home and it was like that he had originally asked and I need to backup a bit. Like when my son first came out to us that very night, like when I read that message, the first thing I did was dropped to my knees oh, Heavenly Father.

How do I respond to this? Are you kidding me? No this can’t be happening. Like, how do I respond? And his answer was just so clear. You love him. Yeah, I know that. Yeah. I know. I’ll love him. I can do that. My husband and I that first week too, we went to the [00:07:00] temple, with prayer in our heart and both received the same answer there.

Strong impression you love him. Like we really lean into love. Yeah, I know we’ll love him. And still not fully understanding what all that meant. So here I am, I’m reading this book and the first part of the book, story after story of these young people, young adults are finally mustering the courage like my son to come out to their parents.

And these were Latter -day Saint families. Again, there’s not resources and this wasn’t really talked about, and if it is it’s in the hush hush or a not always a positive way. And those parents were showing their children the door, and that just broke my heart. I said, how do you turn your back on your child?

That’s not an option and that just did not feel right. The gospel is the gospel of love. Family is central to God’s plan. How do you just boot your child out? No. And then the next [00:08:00] scenario is the it’s story, after story, after story, after story of parents feeling like they were having to choose between their child and the church.

And of course they, they were choosing their child. So parents and whole families were leaving the church. No. I can’t do that. Like that the church, the gospel is just the core of who I am and God and the Savior have been with me, walk the string my whole life.

I know he’s not going to abandon me now. I just, couldn’t do that. I knew that I was embracing my son and embracing the gospel. And at that time I recieved just the strong impression that I needed to come out of my own rhetorical closet as the latter day, Saint mother with a gay son.

Like I was not the only one, with this scenario in my family, but where were those voices? Why was everyone so afraid to talk about it. This was our reality. And the spirit was so strong, this prompt I’m like, oh, okay. 

Darla: So at what point in the journey, like you [00:09:00] said he came out to you, but then it was two years he was gone and there wasn’t, it sounds like there wasn’t a lot of discussion.

At what point were you saying I’ve got to share this story. He came out to you first and your husband, but how is he coming out to other people and, are you worried about what people are going to think and all of that? 

Becky: Oh, absolutely. That was a big worry. From the time he came out to us, he said to me that first night he said, mom, you’re the first person that I’ve talked to about this.

And that broke my heart thinking he had kept that to himself his whole life. Like I just envisioned my sweet boy as a young child and growing up and like wrestling with that alone. Not feeling there was anyone that he could talk to about that. And even me, his own mother that I thought I had created this safe space that my children could talk to me about everything, but I hadn’t with this and that broke my heart.

And then the other side of the coin was, oh, good. He hasn’t told anyone so we’ll get him married to a woman and we don’t ever have to tell anyone. So that was the thought process at [00:10:00] that time. So I read the book, I had that prompting, I then was Skyping with him and told him this strong impression that I had.

And I said what if, when you come home for Christmas, that we do a video and you share what it was like to come out, to grow up with this secret alone and the years that you just wanted to end your life. Because that first night, he told me his teenage years, how he wanted to just end things because he could not see a possible win-win no matter which path he took, looked like a bad road, bad scenario. 

And so did not want to act upon it and take his life. And I’m so grateful that was not our outcome because I do know too many families that was their outcome. And that just breaks my heart because the suicide rate is high. The wrestle with this is as high and that the mental illness surrounding this.

So I was Skyping with him. I said, why don’t you come home? We do a video at that time. I had a blog that I was actively writing [00:11:00] called Becky Macks Blog of Mild Chaos and we’ll write a blog post and when we feel it’s right, we’ll put it out there, but we only see you at Christmas so let’s do the video. And he says, “Oh mom, that would really be putting me out there.” Yeah, that would help a lot of people. And I know that sounds really strange. Like I wanted all of a sudden to let’s be public about this. And it is really strange to think about it. That was the reality. And that was the impression that I felt needed to do the direction we needed to go.

And at that time he was out to his siblings and just a few of his closest friends. 

Darla: So this was big for him too to be able to tell the whole world. And I think it’s really remarkable that he could have his mom by his side to do that. You had read all these books, you’d read that book about all these experiences with people, having their family reject them.

I think that’s really remarkable that you’re able to do that. So I just wanted to inject that, but okay, so you did the video. 

Becky: So we did a video and I have a daughter [00:12:00] who had graduated in film and TV production. So I said, would you come up for Christmas, bring your camera.

We’re going to do this video. And so we filmed it and we didn’t rehearse what we were going to say, or really even talk about what we were going to say. We just let it flow, we just did it. And then my daughter edited it down to about five minutes and it just felt right. This is the time, but I was so nervous.

I was fine if negativity came to me, I thought, okay, I can handle that. I had no idea how people were going to respond to this. I didn’t have any thing to measure it against. And I didn’t want negativity coming towards my son. So there was great hesitation there. And he kept saying, “Mom, I’m okay. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” 

But it was so scary still to push that public button. And before I did I met with our Bishop and our Stake President. I thought I needed to give them a heads up that we were doing this and I didn’t know what the response was going to be. I said, “You might be getting phone calls that, say what is Sister Mackintosh talking [00:13:00] about? Are we supposed to talk about this? Keep an eye on her. She’s on a slippery slope.” 

I didn’t know. Cause I had been the primary president and the young women’s president and the stake young women’s president, and served in the relief society. And at that time I was teaching seminary and I didn’t know what the response was going to be.

All I knew was that it felt right that I needed to do this and just was trusting God. So I did give my Bishop and the stake president heads up, this could be happening. And they said, “Oh you’re brave.” But they understood. They understood. And the response was just so positive. Like within 24 hours, like our inboxes were just inundated with messages and people coming out to us and parents reaching out and said,” I had no idea I too have a son, daughter.” And people from all over the world, like it was overwhelming, but for years I would get 20, 30, 40 messages a day. Now that’s [00:14:00] greatly cut down because there’s so many resources and stuff out there. 

Darla: There wasn’t a lot, there was not a lot that people could go to. I am curious to know, because I know you said when. On that night in January, when he first sent that Facebook message.

And, you had that first initial conversation, you were kind of like, “I’m going to fix this.” And what did that look like for you to go from that point to where, you could be at a place where “I’m just going to love him and I’m not going to try to change him.” Was that a gradual process was there, pinpoint? 

Becky: Yeah, I would talk to my son about things and asking questions and when he was really good at calling me out, when I would say something that was hurtful or triggering and explain to me why that was, because I always thought everything I said or did was from a place of love and whenever I turned to God on any of this, it was just love him, but it was a process of learning what that looked like without putting boundaries on that love. Because [00:15:00] initially our first conversation, I was also telling him you knew, that if you ever do start dating, Like you couldn’t possibly bring him home to our house because you have younger brothers and sisters.

And we had young grandchildren at that time. And I said, that would not be a good example. And he says, mom, I know. He was always so kind. And so patient but inside, like he was dying inside, He’s like, “Oh mom, you say you love me, but this doesn’t feel like love.”

And he too was trying to figure out what he was going to do. He said, “Mom, I’ve dated girls. I’ve held their hand. I’ve kissed girls. I know I can’t marry a woman. It’s just not going to happen, mom, but I don’t know if I could live life alone.” Yes you can. Yeah. And it was a journey and when he was he was at school at BYU Hawaii.

And this was in 2015 and it became legal for same-sex marriage here in [00:16:00] Utah. And that became legal even before it became legal nationwide, but that law was passed. And I got a text from him the next day that said, “You really hurt me.” What have I said, what have I done? This isn’t a conversation for a text.

So I called him and I said, Sean, what are you talking about? What did I do? 

He said, “Mom yesterday, it was made legal for same-sex marriages in Utah and you didn’t call or text or anything to congratulate me.” “What are you talking about? That never crossed my mind. Like why would I do that? I don’t get it.” 

And he said, “Mom, I want to get married someday. And I want my family to be there. And now that opens up the possibility that I could get married and my family could be there.” And he says, “Mom, I don’t want it to feel like a funeral. I want people to be happy for me.” And I started prying like, oh Sean, it’s just hard to wrap my mind around.

I still envision you getting married in the temple to a [00:17:00] woman. And then now he’s crying and we’re both crying and talking this through. And there was just such a wrestle and, oh, I spent so much time on my knees and a lot of time in the temple and a lot of time in the scriptures. And what I loved about just diving into the scriptures is seeing story after story where there’s no perfect families in the scriptures. 

Every family had wrestles and children that stepped away from the things they were taught in their home, or stepped away from the gospel and even turned on each other. Every family had wrestles like that. And so wow, okay. How did they get through that?

How did they work on that and to create that unity and loyalty and every story, every family in the scriptures, they leaned into love. That was always the bottom line and key is leaning into love and trusting God. And [00:18:00] so that’s what I always tried to do. Okay. Lean into love and trust God.

And it was just such a journey and a process He started dating and I didn’t know he was dating. Cause I still obviously had not created a safe space where he can tell me he was dating. So just one day I get a text from him that says, “Mom, can I bring so-and-so to dinner on family dinner on Sunday?”

And I texted back and said, “Is that a boy or girl?” And he says, “It’s a boy, mom. I’m dating and someone I really care about. And I want the family, to meet him.” I’m thinking, whoa, I didn’t even know you’re dating. Like I didn’t even get prepared for this again, immediately looking up, to the heavens and saying Heavenly Father how do I respond to this?

And again, just the spirit was so strong. Like you love him. Like yeah but it’s a guy! Love him. And I knew what that meant. And so I text back and said, “Yes.” And I called my husband and I know I should have called him first, went to [00:19:00] Heavenly Father got my answer, called my husband and said, this is what’s happening.

And told the family, he’s bringing someone he’s dating. Some of his siblings knew he was dating because he knew they were someone they could trust and understand, but not me, his mother yet. It’s such a journey. And So the young man that he was dating came and the anxiety of what’s this gonna feel like?

And he was such a nice young man. I thought, of course, he’s a nice young man. 

Darla: Yeah he’s with your son. He was a nice young man and a great person. 

Becky: Yeah, we started talking about it more and blogging about it. And getting asked to come and speak about it. And then the church reached out to us. They had launched the Mormon and gay website in 2016 and then they reached out to us to see if we would share our story.

And they knew my son was in a relationship and stepped away from the church. And so they were looking for that story to answer the question. [00:20:00] What do we do when our son or daughter, 

Darla: that’s exactly what I was thinking. Like, what was your answer to that at that time?

And has that answer changed? Like how do you embrace the church and your child at the same time? 

Becky: Yeah. So the church they said, will you share your story? Because we know the answer to that is you continue to love. You continue to include your child in your family circle. And they said your family is doing that so well.

Will you share that? And when I initially told my son that the church had reached out and wanted to add our story to the church website, he knew that the current stories on there were I’m gay, but I’m married to a woman. I’m a lesbian and married to a man, you know married in the temple, they have these families or I’m gay, I’m single and I’m serving in the elders quorum presidency. And these are fabulous hope filled stories and so needed. But he knew those were the only stories on there. And so he said to me, “But they [00:21:00] want to use me as the bad example?” Said, “No, they want to share the message of you continue to love and include them in the family circle.”

And so again, he said, “I can see how that would really help a lot of people.” And so the church sent a film crew out to our house and spent two days first day filming with my husband and my son. And then the second day they wanted all the family there. And even the boyfriend was there.

You don’t know the boyfriend’s in the video unless you know, our family, but he’s just part of the big group. And we filmed that and of course, any video the church puts out is so well done. And I thought it was excellent. How they showed our distressing concern at the beginning and how loving our son was, but the wrestle that went on there and then the love and unity in our home, six minutes later, 

Darla: You show [00:22:00] it all in six minutes, but it was a long process.

Becky: So then that video was added to the church website in 2017. And then not long after that, about a year later after that, then Deseret Book reached out and asked if I would write a book sharing the real journey between those six minutes of shock to the love and unity within our home.

And then that’s how the book “Love Boldly: Embracing Your LGBTQ Loved Ones and Your Faith” came about, which ended up with going to Cedar Fort was the publisher on that book to get it out a little bit faster. 

Darla: Here’s what I want to know, because I’ve read your book and you’re very honest in there about the mistakes that you made, no journey is perfect.

So from where you’re at right now, and you’re looking back what are the things that you’ve learned along the way? What have been the biggest lessons you’ve mentioned love, obviously and some of the other lessons that you have learned from this experience and this part of your journey?

Becky: Yeah. 

Trusting God in the process is just [00:23:00] huge. Always keeping him in the equation and trusting him. He knows you. He knows your family. He loves your children or his children, and they were his children first. And so just trusting him that he’s gonna guide you.

But key is listening. Seeking to understand that listening to your son or daughter, because I initially like I’ve given my son a lot of advice, which I knew nothing about the topic or fully what he was feeling and experiencing. And I could tell like it was hurting him so much and he cried a lot and I thought everything I was saying and doing was coming from a place of love and it wasn’t until I really listened to him and let him share his own experience, what he’s feeling and his wrestle and his hurt and his pain and his hopes and his dreams. That’s when the progress came. I made a lot of mistakes and I am very open about them in the book. Like I would write a chapter and then send it to my son and he’d say, oh, that’s really good mom but [00:24:00] I remember it this way oh, was I really that bad? Did I really say that? 

Darla: I think you were very honest in the book and I think that was good. Cause we can learn from that. You’re sharing your story and it helps so many other people. 

Becky: One of the things I knew that a marriage could be something in his future.

Like the person that he was dating and he brought home to meet the family and they dated for quite a while, but, they broke up. It was a few months after that he met the person that he is now married to. That was quite a journey too, like knowing that could be a possibility like that was very, very helpful.

And my husband and I, because we’re open about this, we were invited to a lot of gay marriages and for one reason or another, we weren’t able to attend. And finally, there was one that we were able to attend and still I’m thinking like, what is this going to, what is this going to look like?

What’s it gonna feel like are there going to be children there? Who will be there? And these were two returned missionaries, and they both came from big [00:25:00] families. And when we walked into the place where their wedding was and their lunch eon full of people, all the families, like they’re all there and their nieces and nephews and brothers and sisters, they’re all there.

And we went and sat at a table. They had round tables all around the room. Cause luncheon was before the ceremony. And so we sat down my husband he recognized somebody. So we went and chose their table, recognized him from the construction world. And I, then I asked this man, So which groom are you here for?

And he said both I’m their stake president. And then he said, see that the man that’s sitting over there in that table? That’s his Bishop. And see that man, that’s sitting over there in that table? That’s his Bishop. And oh, my eyes just filled this tears like, oh, this is so beautiful. They were there for their special day just showing their love for these two men.

I’m sure it was just so meaningful for these two men that had chosen to,[00:26:00] spend their lives together. They knew that it didn’t change the gospel beliefs of these bishops or their parents or their siblings. Like they, they knew, they know that the church says marriage between a man and a woman that God ordains and the ideal is marriage between a man and a woman.

And I totally support that also. It doesn’t change that. This is embracing the reality of another s circumstance and situation that is different from yours and that’s okay. And so that was a beautiful moment that day to let me know that yeah, we can do this and it’s going to be okay. And most important is my relationship with my son and my children and create that safe Haven in our home that our children want to come home. They want to be with me. They want to be with each other. And that’s what we have succeeded in doing. Now we don’t know what is in the [00:27:00] future, but we are a united family. And we have a lot of diversity in our family.

Several of my children have stepped away from the church for various reasons. And we have different religions in our family. I’m talking about my children and their spouses, not extended family, just in my children, their spouses, with different religions, different sexual orientation, different political views, different race. I’d like we have the full gamut there of diversity, but we’re there for one another. Like we know the importance of family and at the end of the day, like we are there for one another and we get together often and I described how big my family was and we are loud and fun. And they’re just good kids.

As a young mom when my child or my teenager was choosing a way that was not in line with the gospel teaching, like I was a total mess and wreck. I spent so much time on my knees and a lot of time in the temple. And there were [00:28:00] some weeks I would go to the temple two or three times a week, because that was the only place I could l that, peace and a lot of pleading and begging with God and how to navigate and love is obviously always the answer.

I just feel like God is so patient with me too. And in tutoring me how to be more compassionate and loving and empathetic and trusting him. So in, in the middle of something that’s hard it’s difficult, and you’re overwhelmed and you’re feeling inadequate but if you just turn it over to God and once you get through it and you look back and you see the tender mercies and that he was really there the whole time, but in the middle, it’s hard to see that, but I’m grateful that at a very young age, I learned the power of prayer, and I think I was just born with the gifts and talents of faith and trust, because that really does come easy [00:29:00] to me. I really, from a young age, I just always felt so close to my savior and prayer was important and I’d pour my heart out and I could feel his love. That is truly what has kept me in the gospel. Often situations like this bring faith crisis.

And I never experienced that. I understand the complexity of this, and there are so many unanswered questions that it can just drive you crazy. And I have a lot of dear sweet friends and loved ones that have left the church over LGBTQ issues and the pain that it causes their children. And I do I get that.

I do, but I don’t know. I have I just have so much trust in God. Like I can’t leave the gospel. Like I can’t step away. He sees the big picture. And I just, I’m just going to walk this journey with him, walk this journey with my children and keep walking with Jesus and God. 

Darla: Yeah. [00:30:00] As I look at your story and you know what you’ve shared, and from my perspective, just looking at the things that you’ve said, I would say.

Love is always first, like always love. And then second is to trust heavenly father, because we have this doctrine that says marriage is between a man and a woman. And you have a child that you love dearly who uses his agency in a way that is not in line with that. And so how do you reconcile those two things?

I’ve thought a lot about that. How do you reconcile those two things? The only way is to trust God, I want to share the scripture because I just loved this. You wrote this in your book. And it’s in second Chronicles, it says we have no might against this great company that cometh against us, neither know we what to do, but our eyes are upon thee thus saith. The Lord unto you, be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude for the battle is not yours, but God’s. That was in your book. So what does that scripture mean to you? 

Becky: It’s just, you totally have to put [00:31:00] that in God’s hand. He wants us to be one. He doesn’t want there to be “ites” and separation. And the one thing that is doing a lot of division in families. My son being married to a man, gay marriages aren’t the threat in dividing families. It’s how you respond and react that is dividing the families. It’s the contention. It’s the booting them out or drawing the lines. Like, you cannot bring your significant other into our home. Like I had drawn those lines too but it just causes so much contention.

And that’s what Satan wants is that contention. He wants that division. This caused division within our family. And we had to work hard and figure this out and respect one another and all of our perspectives and the personal revelation that each was receiving, even if it was different than what you are receiving to respect that and honor that and find that balance.

And I think that’s what our Heavenly Father wants us to do is turn to Him and focus on those relationships that are so [00:32:00] important and figure out how to create that unity. And the only way I’ve been able to figure it out with my seven diverse children and spouses is to lean into that love and to meet them where they are and respect them for their agency.

Because anything else just causes division. And this is causing a lot of division, but the only thing we are in control of is how we respond and how we react to a situation. And I just have learned to embrace the reality of our situation, whether it was on your vision board or whether you liked it or not.

This is reality. And for example, so it was around the same week that two of my children moved in with their boyfriends. A son and a daughter. Okay. So then we’re like, what is happening? 

Darla: Yeah. And I think the principles that you’re talking about, it’s not just if your son comes out as gay, there’s so many other things that a mother could face or a family [00:33:00] member could face of people not using their agency in a way that you wouldn’t choose, but that’s the reality, right?

Becky: Yeah and figuring this out. And a lot of prayer went into that, like, How do we react? Like when they bring their boyfriend over the weekend to stay over, like what’s going to be the situation what do we do? And a lot of prayer and my husband his response was quite harsher than mine.

He said, we have to love and embrace. Like we have to lean into love here and welcome our child and their boyfriends into our home, or why would our child want anything to do with us or with the gospel or their non-member boyfriends to want anything to do with the gospel or with us, like why that doesn’t make sense?

The very people that they know that are going to church every Sunday are so judgemental and cruel, like that didn’t make sense. Like we have to lean into love and that was the best thing we did. 

Darla: Was this after you were already learning this lesson? 

Becky: Oh yeah. This was all along the way. So this was not the person that he [00:34:00] married. Let me tell you, my, my son did marry a returned missionary. They read about that in the book. Like that’s one of the things as a parent, like I prayed that my children would grow up and marry a returned missionary and he did it. You have to just embrace the reality of your situation.

And even if it’s not the ideal, and there’s just so many questions that we don’t know. And I just have to turn that over to God. He has told us the greatest commandment is to love him, love God love one another as thyself and then the savior he showed us the way. And the savior just emphasized loved one another.

Like he gave us so many examples of what that looked like. Like he went against the norm. He sought after the outcast, he sat with the outcast, he touched the leper and he showed us what this looks like. But still it’s so hard, like really? Are we really supposed to love this situation? It can get so muddled, but I think we complicate it and we muddle it.


Darla: Just trust and love. I have loved talking to you. I’ve learned so much. I [00:35:00] know that it is going to help someone else. Many people who are dealing with the same situation that you were in or other things, other challenges, like we said, like this love and trust that applies in so many ways, but I do have one final question for you.

And that is how have you seen and felt the savior in your journey on the covenant path?

Becky: Yeah. Oh, I don’t know how people do this earth life without him. He has just been my everything. Like I have to turn to him every day. And so the scripture that I turn to the most, and that comes to my mind the most when I’m going through something challenging or difficult is in D&C 84: 88.

So it says. And who so receiveth you there I will be also. For I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left and my spirit shall be in your hearts and my angels roundabout, you to bear you up and I can testify of that.

I [00:36:00] have my knees and asked for those angels to be on my right and left and in the front as promised I have felt them in my greatest darkest times of need, like they have been there. The spirit has been there. The savior has been there. He has and continues to tutor me in how to trust and how to love and how to have empathy and how to walk in another shoes.

And I am grateful that he has entrusted me with some at the time, felt like such difficult situations. But when I look back like, oh, I made it difficult. And there are just situations that I’m so grateful for. He is just so wise and what I needed in my own life to be able to grow closer to him and to trust him.

And I’m grateful for that. I’m so grateful for my savior. I can’t wait to just throw my hands around him and to thank him cause I could not do this earth life without him. I need him [00:37:00] every day. And the Atonement what a great gift that is. 

Darla: Yes. So beautifully said thank you for sharing your testimony of him.

That’s something that we all have a different path. We all have different journeys, but on that path we have him. We all have a savior who is walking beside us, and that’s the message that I hope to share with every guest. And you have shared it so beautifully. So thank you so much. If people want to find your book, I know it’s called love boldly.

I’ve read it. I highly recommend it. Where can people go to find out more about what you’re sharing? 

Becky: Yeah. Pretty much anywhere books are sold online, Amazon even Target, Walmart, Deseret Book Cedar Fort publishing. So yeah, you can Google to, find it or go into the Deseret Book to buy it on the shelf.

And also I have a a website, that we’ll show ya. It has my blog and our videos and different things that we do 

Darla: Well I’ll link all of that up in the show notes so people can go and find it, but I [00:38:00] am so grateful that you would be here today. Thank you so much, Becky. 

Oh, thank you. Darla.

 And now here are this week’s journal questions. Whether you have had a child come out as gay or not, there are instances in all of our lives where love is the answer to mend a difficult relationship. What parts of Becky’s story stood out to you? What did you learn from Becky about love that you can apply to your own relationships? Write down your thoughts and impressions. 

One of the things Becky shared that helped her was to read about families in the scriptures. She realized there were no perfect families. Research a family from the scriptures you feel you could learn from. Read their story and then record what you learned about your own family relationships in your journal. [00:39:00]

Becky shared throughout the interview that she learned to create a “safe space” in her home for her children. What do you feel prompted to do to make your home a “safe space” for anyone who enters? Pray and act on the promptings you receive. 

I hope you enjoyed the podcast. And if you did, please share it with a friend. I would love it. If you would leave a review and rate it on apple podcasts, this actually helps more women find the podcasts and embrace their own journey on the covenant path to find more ways to be a part of the spiritually minded women community, head over to spiritually minded for more inspiration follow along on Instagram at spiritually minded women have an amazing day.

I’m cheering you on in your [00:40:00] journey.