Beyond The Checklist

040: Why Better Relationships Start with Being Closer to Jesus Christ || Crystal Haitsma


[00:00:00] Darla: Welcome to the Spiritually Minded Women podcast. If you’re a woman who is ready and willing to be a follower of Jesus, you’re in the right place. Join me this season as we dive in deep to learn how to embrace your journey on the covenant path with checkpoints instead of Checklists. I’m your host Darla Trendler and I’m cheering you on.

Welcome to your journey.

 Welcome to the Spiritually Minded Women podcast. This is Darla and as always, I am so happy to be here with you today. I love being able to interview other people and share their journeys on the covenant path. And I’ve got someone here today that I know you’re going to love hearing from. So I would like to introduce you to my guest today.

Her name is Crystal Haitsma. Crystal, welcome to the podcast. I am so happy that you’re here. Could you just start off and just tell me a little bit more about you. 

[00:01:09] Crystal: Yeah. First of all, I’m super happy to be here too. I love what you’re doing and I love hearing people’s stories.

And I think that as we hear other people’s stories that can help increase our own story and our own testimony. Yeah. I just love that. I love that mission that you’re on. And so a little bit about me. I’m a parenting coach. I’m a certified life coach through the Life Coach School. I’m a homeschooling mom.

I have four kids. My kids are aged, my youngest is five and my oldest is just about 15. I’ve been homeschooling them for a long. About nine years, I think. We love traveling. We’re actually starting to travel permanently now, which is really fun. I love traveling, hiking, biking. I love cooking delicious food and eating it.

And I love just seeing new sites and I love meeting new people and connecting with people. And yeah, in my work, what I do is help people to combine what some people call positive or intentional parenting with life coaching tools. And yeah, that’s a little bit about me. 

[00:02:05] Darla: Okay. Great. So we talked before the interview and you shared with me some things about a part of your journey on the covenant path that we want to focus on today. And that is how you changed your parenting to be more Christ centered. And the result of that helping you develop your own relationship with the Savior and how it’s affected your children and your family.

So tell me a little bit more about that. What was your parenting like before? Was there like this one moment where you just knew you needed to change? Was it more gradual? How did you come to the epiph any that you needed to change. 

[00:02:39] Crystal: So I think it was definitely gradual.

I wish that there was just like an epiphany moment that just changed everything, like a pill that you could take that all of a sudden solved all your problems, but it was pretty long and pretty gradual. And when I was younger, I loved kids. I would babysit, 8, 9, 10, 11 children. I could babysit for days and evenings and overnights and all the things, and everyone thought that I was the best babysitter ever. I had seven siblings. I babysat them all the time. I honestly thought that parenting would just be like the easiest thing. Like I looked at my mom and was like, I don’t know why she thinks this is so hard. Like I can totally do this. Then I had my first child and it was probably only a couple of weeks after I had that first child that I called my mom and was like, I’m so sorry.

This is so much harder than I thought. But anyways, I think I didn’t realize that I had a hard time. I thought that I was a patient person. I probably would have described myself as a patient person before I had children. But I, maybe I just wasn’t in situations where it’s really tried my patience.

So I think what I wanted to be in my head, the kind of parent that I wanted to be, deep seated there, but then how I actually parented was just so opposite. It was just like yelling and screaming and frustrated. And just all the things. I felt very negative about my parenting style.

And my parents, I think right around when my son was two, gave me a book. It was called Hold Onto Your Kids by Dr. Gordon Neufeld. And it’s awesome. And they said basically we parented you all wrong. You should read this book and do it a different way. And they even started taking me to some of his courses.

And anyways, so that kind of got me on the journey of learning more about what people call connection based parenting or attachment parenting. And what I loved about that book was he didn’t speak in religious terms at all, but in my mind, I interpret everything in a religious way. So I was listening to it and thinking, okay, so he’s telling us that we need to be attached to our children.

And that attachment and connection is what helps them want to behave. They want to obey and they want to be close to us and they want to be like us because they feel loved by us. And I thought duh that’s exactly our relationship with God. We want, if we feel loved by our Heavenly Parents, and if we feel unconditionally loved, no matter what we do, then we’re going to want to be close to them.

We’re going to want to do things that please them. We’re going to try to have that connection open. And so I think he talked about like the sun, like w they’re the earth and where their son and it just, his imagery just made me just further realize oh, yes, this is the way. But that wasn’t the epiphany for me because I went to go try to parent that way and felt like I failed miserably. And the more that I learned about that parenting approach, I even read a book that had something to do with coming closer to Christ. And then another one about Christ-like parenting. And anyways, I just still felt like I couldn’t figure it out. 

There was this ever widening gap of now my goal about what kind of a parent I wanted to be and how I was parenting was even farther away because I knew even more and I couldn’t figure out how to bridge that gap. And so I have a couple pretty difficult children. Some people call them strong-willed children that have several different diagnosises that make their behavior pretty difficult to handle, and it was getting worse and worse and worse. And we had just traveled across the country and we’re living in a new place that we’d never lived before and didn’t know anybody. And even an unfamiliar language. 

It was on the other side of Canada and we knew very little French. We, didn’t really know anything about the, about anything there and was really at the peak of my struggle with one of my children. I’ve had more peaks since then but this was like, with my relationship with him, it was really, it had really peaked. And my husband was super busy.

He was doing his MBA. He was gone all the time and I’m like, I do not know how to handle this. So there was a couple of things that helped there and it definitely wasn’t overnight. One of them was, I really had this impression that I needed to attend the temple more. And so I decided that I was going to attend the temple every week.

And at that time I thought this is crazy. How am I going to tend to temple every week? But I thought it was so cool that I had a temple in my city. So never before had I done that. So I thought, okay, I’m sure I can figure this out. And so I would have people in the ward help me, or I found some babysitters or whatever, and I was able to make it work, so that for almost a year, probably about eight months or so I went almost every single week. And it was awesome. 

And I really attribute to my learning and my change that year, I think happened because of that blessing, because I was able to just have a little bit more of that inner peace inside of me just regularly.

And so what I was dealing with was this child that would have these crazy meltdowns. Knocking over furniture, giant holes in walls, like just huge. And I was like, one of us has to go here. Either he has to go or I have to go, cause this is not working out. And at that point I was not parenting in a Christ-like way at all.

Like I still felt like I knew what to do, but in the moment I would just lose it because he was losing it and I would lose it. And it would just be this whole disaster. And I just remember like crying at the end of the night and being like, I don’t even know, like how am I going to solve this?

And I thought back about that very first book that I had gotten, by then it was like eight years earlier. And I, so I I Googled like some therapists help, but specifically ones that knew that approach. And this lady came over. She came to our house and she doesn’t work with the kids. She just works with the parents.

And I remember giving her like a huge hug. She was like, probably who is this lady? I don’t know who you are, but I was like, I just needed help so desperately. And I just cried and cried like the whole session. And what really, what she did for me was helped me manage my expectations around my child.

Cause I felt like this isn’t okay. Like this behavior is not okay. We need to change him. And so in the process of that, she started to help shift and change my expectation. But what really changed was my response to him. So when he would have these like huge meltdowns, I wouldn’t have a huge meltdown at the same time and just make it like a disastrous meltdown.

And so it was not a huge change. It was like very gradual and I think it really did have a lot to do with me reading my scriptures daily, me going to the temple every week that I was even able to have the power to do that because it was so difficult for me. And the changes were really gradual as well.

Over the course of like several months, I remember looking back and thinking, okay, things are actually getting better. Like his behavior is getting better. I tried to work on connecting with him more during the day and communicating with him more and just focus more on our relationship and just small and tiny little simple things.

And over the course of about a year, we completely changed our relationship. Like we loved spending time together. His meltdowns were way less severe and everything was better. But it’s all it’s still a journey. Like it’s, there’s not just that one epiphany moment. Like I have another child now who’s been diagnosed with something totally different who is a struggle again.

And I have to like back in check myself and be like, okay, wait, what, what’s going on here. But the gist of it is like, when I learned about this approach, I was like of course this is the best approach to parenting because I think this is the kind of parent that Christ would be. But it’s so hard to actually do.

And especially if we haven’t been parented in that way. And so my kind of journey like to attach it to my journey on the covenant path was really me coming closer to my Heavenly Parents and getting to know them more and being healed myself with my own relationship with myself and being able to do that is what gave me the power to then change my relationship with Him.

And I don’t think I could have done it if I didn’t start that inner healing work. I remember around the same time, really waffling in my testimony, like really wanting be. I just saw people that I felt were so firm like that they just knew that they could go up there and be the people that say, I know this is true.

And I was like, I don’t think I could say that. And so I really started considering my testimony and considering what do I actually believe? And why do I believe that? And where did that belief come from? And I think that as I went through that process, and as I really made scripture study and temple attendance a priority that those answers came.

But again, none of my answers in my life have ever been epiphany based. They’ve always been like so slow and gradual, but the same slow and gradual change happened with my testimony like simultaneously, that I remember thinking back, like I didn’t even, I couldn’t feel the. But I remember, a year or so later looking back and being like, oh, I feel really firm now.

I didn’t feel it back then. I don’t even know if I knew I was who knows it could be right. It could be wrong. I don’t know. And I think all of us have to go through that spiritual journey at some point in our lives where we go from this is what I’ve always been taught.

And I, believe it to what do I really believe in. What is my own personal relationship with the Savior? 

[00:11:14] Darla: Yeah that’s what I would love to dive in a little deeper with you about your personal relationship with the Savior. So you’ve got the, you’ve got some books and you’re seeing some religious ties to that.

You’re going to the temple. You’re working on your own testimony and you’re trying to build connection with your children and do it in a way that you feel like your Heavenly P arents would parent you, where was Jesus showing up in this? What were you learning from Him? How are you feeling His love? Where was He on that journey with you? 

[00:11:42] Crystal: I think just, I think it was just in love. I think that I remember at this one time, I remember having this memory of like him doing his meltdown thing and me starting to do my meltdown thing, and then just like stopping. But it was like force of will stopping, not like I love this child stopping, but I was like, Ooh, I need to like, not do anything right now. And I laid on my bed and I was crying and I was just feeling like a terrible parent. Like I am not doing this. But just really feeling loved by my Savior and feeling like I was trying. 

I think that now that I’ve worked through this with so many other people, what I see is my journey is a lot more easy to explain now. I really felt like I wasn’t doing enough, that I should be doing more, that I should be better, that I should be more righteous. I should be more kind, more compassionate, like all the things and that all of that was actually stopping me from being able to parent in the way that I wanted to because I was really just living in this heavy shame, frustrated, discouraged space.

And so what changed with my relationship with the Savior was me being able to feel like He loved me, even though. He loves me even though I’m parenting in this way. Sorry, I’m parenting in this way that seems so opposite of Christ like. That He loves me in that moment and that when I could feel that love that He had for me, even though I wasn’t parenting in the way I wanted it, that I think is how it showed up. And I think that probably is the power and the knowledge that I received from going to the temple. Like even at the temple, I felt peaceful there and I don’t know if I necessarily received answers specifically at the temple, but looking back on it, I can see like that I was able to feel His love for me more. And I think that I had always thought of the atonement as like something that you just go to, if you like sin, like you make a big mistake, then you have to use. It’s almost something you don’t want to use. Oh no, I don’t. I don’t want to have ever have to do that. 

Instead of it being this like daily sanctifying process where we do whatever we do during the day and then he loves us anyways. And I remember reading a lot of general conference talks around that time about grace and love and compassion. And I really started studying more too, instead of just, just sitting down and reading. I really tried studying, especially articles, general conference articles really helped, but I think that my knowledge of what the atonement was and therefore my relationship with the Savior, was able to change, but I think that was really just the beginning. I think I always had a journey, but I think that was really a marking point of the beginning of my journey with Him. And now it’s become even more special and more unique as I read more and study more, I want to know Him more and I want to have a more personal relationship with him and with my Heavenly Parents. 

I don’t think I really thought about them a lot or felt loved by Them. And now I really try to focus on that connection, like feeling that love from Them. I remember this time speaking with a client who does sounded exactly like me and exactly like my story and didn’t really feel loved by God. And she was not a member of our faith.

And I said to her just kneel down and pray and ask how the Lord feels about you. Just do that. And she came back the next week and she was like, I have never thought to do that. I’ve never done that in my life. And I just felt this overwhelming love from Him. And she’s like, when I read the scriptures, I sometimes feel like, hell and fire and brimstone, and not so much of the love.

And she’s like, when I knelt down to pray, I just felt love. And that’s exactly how I felt going through that experience with my child. There were so many tiny, little, really tough experiences, but it was the no matter what you’re able to do or succeed at or fail at today, that He loves you anyway.

[00:15:41] Darla: I love how you’re sharing this about the unconditional love that you felt from the Savior, from your Heavenly Parents. So I would love to know that kind of the question that’s going around in my mind. How did that translate to you loving your children? You learned something about love and you feel it from the Savior. How did that translate to the relationship that you had with your children? 

[00:16:03] Crystal: Yeah. I think that initially when I was telling you about these meltdowns, I think initially I was like, gritting my teeth through them. I can do this. I can maintain my love for him. Like just re it was really forced. But I think that as I started to feel more loved by the Savior through all of the changes that I was making personally and through focusing on my testimony and what I believed and all of those things, I think that when I felt that love it came naturally. 

I remember watching this video clip and there’s a water cup on top of six other water cups. And as the pitcher filled the water cup, that water cup filled all of the other ones. And that’s what I think of as that love.

So the Savior’s pouring his love into me. And I’m the top of this pyramid, which in your family, when you’re a mom, you really are, you’re affecting the whole tone of the house and as I really let the love pour into me and received that, then it was naturally able to heal those relationships.

And I was naturally able to feel that love more for the people around me so that I didn’t have to force it. And that was definitely a slow moving process. It’s like boiling water slowly on low. Like it just took a long time to really help develop that naturally. But at some point, and I don’t even know really when the shift was, I think it was so slow.

It’s hard to pinpoint a time. I really was able to translate that into my parenting and to really notice like, oh, this is what the Savior does. Like He loves us anyway. So if I can be loved regardless of my mistakes, then I can love my child no matter what they’re doing, no matter what their behavior is, which is so hard when we’re focusing on all of the things they’re doing wrong.

And so instead of focusing on what they were doing wrong, I was focusing on like my relationship with them, how much I loved them. How much I felt connected to them. And in switching that focus, that’s when the parenting came through. This kind of parenting is so intuitive especially for members of the church.

But I think for everyone. It’s so intuitive, but it’s just blocked by our own mindset. So when my mindset was like, I’m not doing enough. I’m a terrible mom. I’m a failure. I can’t tap into what I should be doing or what parenting tools I may already just have instilled in me. And when I could start healing my relationship with myself, then I could hear the Savior more and feel that more.

And even when the approach seemed so opposite. Like even when my natural go-to response might be like, then let’s just send him to his room. And because it is so different, like I have a child that really struggles to go to church. He struggles with any social situation. So going in a group of people is not his forte.

Normally my response would be like force. Let’s just take him and put him in the van and put his seatbelt on. Let’s just make him go to church, which obviously doesn’t sound like very Christ-like parenting. But in the moment, I’m sure everybody listening can probably relate to this. I’m like, no, but we have to go. I’m the ward organist.

Like I have to be playing the organ in two minutes. Instead of focusing so much on that and switching to I love him and I’m connected to him. And sometimes that means that my husband is literally sitting outside on the lawn for 30 minutes outside the building. Sometimes they don’t even make it in the church building for the whole two hours.

But that feels good to me. And even though in my mind, I’m like, no, but we should be doing all of these things, this is what a member should be doing, whatever we have in our mind. When we can release what we should be doing as moms and what our kids should be doing and what our church experience should look like and just tap into it’s okay.

Like what needs to happen here? Often, the answer was really different. It’s just sitting outside on the lawn for an hour and not going in the building so that he has a good experience at church. Even if that church experience is so different than what we think it should look like or try to force my kids to do their chores.

I remember this one too. And my husband went and said he knelt in prayer in the room. And he was like, I don’t know what to do in this situation. He’s not listening to me. We’re all doing this. It seems really unfair that he’s not doing this. And he said the answer came to him to just go in there. Don’t say anything about his chores, just chat with him and just start cleaning.

So he started cleaning in the room he was supposed to be doing and sure enough, after a while he came and joined him. And it’s just those little things happen when we’re focusing more on our relationship to the Savior and our access to that power that we all have, that revelatory power. And it’s so fascinating to me that I can help people that don’t know anything about God and don’t believe in Him at all, still tap into that power because that power is just light. That’s the light that we all have. 

[00:20:53] Darla: I really love how this is what my, how my brain is working and hearing your story and thinking like it all starts with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Like whether you’re a mom or not, whether this is you’re applying this to parenting or not, we all have relationships in our life.

So any relationship that we’re struggling in, if we can start with our own relationship with the Savior and feel His love. And seek to know more about Him. Seek to have closeness to Him and, be able to feel that personal revelation, like you talked about, that’s going to lead us to have better relationships with those around us because we’re going to lead with that love.

So I think that is just so applicable to anybody who’s trying to journey because I’ve said before we’re on this covenant path and it’s narrow, it’s tight because we’re rubbing elbows with people that are right there next to us, and we’ve got to learn how to work together. And the way to do that is through developing our own relationship with the Savior.

Like not focusing on how you want to change somebody else, but focusing on how you can change yourself through His atonement. That’s how we do that. So I would love to know, because it sounds like you’ve had some experience helping other people to see that.

So you mentioned earlier you had a client that you said, pray and ask Heavenly Father how He feels about you. I think that is such, such a good first step. What would you say in addition to that to help somebody start to build that relationship with the Savior and to fill His love in their life so that they can share that with people around them?

[00:22:22] Crystal: I think that in the scriptures, it talks all about thoughts. And I think that we don’t speak about that a lot in our or spiritual journey. But I think a lot of it has to do with diving into our thoughts. So I think that those like shameful thoughts, which is what I was feeling. You’re doing a terrible job. You’re a failure.

We always believe our thoughts. And at some point in my journey through learning all of these tools I heard you don’t have to believe every thought you think. And I was just like, what? I don’t have to believe every thought that comes in my mind? And obviously, like the weird thoughts that would come in would just go out and I wouldn’t think them, but like the, when a thought comes in that like you’re ruining your children.

Oh, yep. That sounds true. And now I think that is how Satan gets to us. He doesn’t get to us through like the overt ways of okay, you should go and start stealing, or I dunno, abusing people or whatever. That’s not going to happen. But it does happen just through those like sly and subtle thoughts that come into our mind that sound pretty believable to us. 

And when I believed that I was ruining my children, I felt really discouraged. I felt a lot of shame. I’m not going to go from that energy to the Savior. Like it’s so polar opposite, right? I’m going to be like, oh no, I want to hide myself, right? To hide myself because I’m not doing good enough.

And I think a big step in that was noticing the thoughts that I had about myself. So we all have a relationship with ourselves just like we do with everyone in our lives. And so looking at it like that from like an outside perspective, like if I was looking at my relationship with me, what would it look like?

And I honestly, probably didn’t have a very great relationship with myself when I thought about all the different thoughts that I thought about myself and really believed. And so just sifting through those and noticing like that thought might not be true. Am I actually ruining my children.

Also, if I am ruining my children what does that even? Mean? What does ruining mean? And are we here to be perfect parents with perfect children where nobody makes mistakes or is that not even the goal? And so just starting to really like dive into these really powerful questions to loosen up those stories that we have about ourselves because we all have so many stories about ourselves.

And so I think that first step is to feel the love. So I would say number one, pray and ask the Lord how he individually feels for you. How your Heavenly Parents individually feel for you specifically right now with all of your failures that you see? And then the second would be to dive into how do I think about myself?

Am I like, that inner I call it like good coach versus bad coach, but we all know those like football coaches that are like mean, and, make people run till they puke and yell and scream and swear at them. And they’re like, you’ll be a better athlete this way. Or the coach that’s like loving and encouraging and inspiring.

And so when we imagine ourselves, like which kind of coach inner coach for ourselves, are we? And a lot of us are negative because we have a negativity bias. So that’s, we’re going to have more negative thoughts than positive. And so it’s just really starting to question those thoughts. Is this a thought, even just the question I think in the emotional self-reliance course, one of the questions that they ask is how would the Savior feel about me in this situation?

So when we’re writing down all of our thoughts, does this feel good? Is it true? Would the Savior think this way? Would my best friend think this way about me? Because sometimes it’s hard for us to question our story. Sometimes we’re like, that feels true. I’m failing. And we can’t get ourselves out of that.

So a way that I’ve been able to help me and my clients get out of that is to focus on the Savior. Okay. What would He say? Would he be sitting beside me and be like, yep, you’re right. You’re a failure. Quit right now. And so having that actually thinking about that.

 And I’ve never done this process with anyone, even the people that don’t believe in God at all, I’ve been able to get them to tap into that feeling of love and that feeling of light and what that would say. And every single time it’s, you’re doing a good job. You’re doing better than you think you are every time.

It doesn’t matter who I’m doing this with. I’ve done it with people from countries all over the world with all different kinds of backgrounds. And that is always the message that they have. And I just think, of course, because we all have the light of Christ and that’s that internal message we have that we are loved no matter what. We are divine. We are of worth. And we forget that, especially when it comes to parenting. We are so hard on ourselves as parents. And that hardness that we are in ourselves comes from us. It doesn’t come from God. 

[00:26:56] Darla: Yeah, I think that’s so important to remember no matter who we are, where we live, what we’ve grown up knowing or anything.

We are spiritual beings. We are spirit children of Heavenly Parents and they love us. And we can tap into that and know that for ourselves and go to them. I really love that you’re sharing that. I think that is something that we can use in any of the relationships that we have in our life.

Our time has already gone. Like I’ve loved talking to you. This has been so great, but I do have one final question for you. And that is how have you seen and felt the Savior in your journey on the covenant path? 

[00:27:30] Crystal: So I think it has happened, like I said, throughout that whole story, but I’m going to talk about now. I wake up in the morning and I study the scriptures and I try to journal and sometimes I just journal out my thoughts and go through and ask these kinds of questions. I try to spend a couple of minutes just really meditating, where I’m just like quiet and still and ponder and writing down thoughts that come to my mind in that moment.

That’s really helped me build that muscle of personal revelation. And I think that is that conduit of being able to feel connected to my Heavenly Parents. And that’s how I see them now. I feel like because I have that morning practice, it starts out my day on just this note of I’m going to be close to Them and I’m going to hear Them and I’m going to feel that.

So now I feel Them everywhere. Now I can go on a hike or I can go hang out with my family or I can read a book or do anything and I can feel it all the time. I feel loved by Them. I feel supported by Them. And I think before I thought I would always ask, “What’s the right answer? What’s the wrong answer?”

And kind of sit there while I was waiting for this answer instead of just like taking action. And I think it’s so much more about they’re there for you and they just love you all the time. And they just want you to learn and grow and fail and make mistakes. And I was so afraid to do any of those things because it might be the wrong thing.

And so now I feel like they’re just there for me, cheerleading me on and loving me. And I’m just going to go about my life and not ask the question of is this the right thing? Is this the wrong thing? Is this the, I’m just going to keep doing what feels good to me. And as I’ve done that, I felt such a stronger relationship with them and such a stronger relationship with myself.

I don’t question myself so much and I just see them in everything. I remember going on a hike the other day and putting my hands in the river and looking at the trees and just feeling so much love from both my Heavenly Father and my Heavenly Mother. And just thinking this is all of this is for us and They love us so much.

And I think that we can get so distracted during the day and miss all of those little moments and those moments don’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be like some big answer. Often it is just like the breeze or beautiful music, or like just those tiny little things now to me are evidence of God’s love for me instead of me being like I don’t know, is this one it? Is this the direction? Is this the answer? 

So now I feel it daily and I think it’s still a journey. I’m sure in 10 years I’ll look back and think I know so much more now, but I feel, I just, I feel like we actually have a relationship. I know Them and They know me and I’m continuously trying to get to know the Savior more.

And my personal study right now is trying to study more about all the instances He’s spoken of in the scriptures and to get to know a little bit more about Him and reading Jesus, the Christ, and the more that we know, somebody, the more of a relationship we can have with Them.. 

[00:30:28] Darla: I really love what you just shared, how it illustrates that you dug in and you figured out what it looked like for you.

You’re not comparing yourself or how you have a relationship with Them to anybody else, but you have dug in and you’ve figured out this is how it works for me. And this is what it looks like. And I’m just going to go with that. And I just love that. I think that is such an important thing to remember that it doesn’t have to look like everybody else and we can find our own relationship with Them and our own journey.

[00:30:56] Crystal: And I think that the power in that too, is that I’m so less worried about things that I don’t understand. When there’s something that comes up like a policy or procedure, or even something doctrinal that I totally don’t get, I’m okay with that because I can rest in that relationship. I’m like, it’s okay.

I love the Savior. I know He’s real. So does it matter? It doesn’t matter, it just I can like zoom out of all of those tiny little things that I used to focus so much time and attention onto figuring out. Now I just, I don’t have to figure out all the things. The more I focus on my relationship with my Savior, the more all of the other things fade away. And I’m like, I’m not going to figure out all the things in this life and that’s okay. 

[00:31:37] Darla: Yeah, I think that’s a really important thing to point out. Something I think about a lot is we’re not here to do all the things. We’re just here to become. We’re just here to become who He wants us to be. And the, all the things are just a vehicle to help us do that, to just become who He wants us to be.

So I really love how you, you have just illustrated that so well, and I’m so grateful that you would share your testimony and your love for our Heavenly Parents and for the Savior. 

 If people want to find out more about what you teach and what you share about Christ centered parenting, where can they go to do that? 

Okay, thanks for asking. My favorite spot, well, two spots are Instagram and, also my podcast. So I launched a podcast this last year. It’s called the Freedom Moms Podcast. And I love just giving kind of short, quick tips that are like this, about connection based parenting. It’s super fun. And then I also love hanging out on Instagram. So on Instagram, I’m So go find me there. And if you listen to this podcast interview, I would love for you to send me a message and tell me, say hi and tell me what you thought of it. 

Oh, that’d be great. And I will put all the links in the show notes as well, so that everyone can find you. Thank you so much, Crystal. 

[00:32:45] Crystal: OK. Thanks. Bye. 

[00:32:47] Darla: And now here are this week’s journal questions. 

How do you think about yourself? One of the things Crystal said she does with her clients who are struggling in a situation is to ask themselves this question: How would the Savior feel about me and this situation? Think about a situation in your own life that you have negative thoughts about. Ask yourself the question. How would the Savior feel about me in this situation? Journal what you feel His response would be. 

Crystal shared how weekly temple attendance and daily scripture study helped her to build a stronger relationship with the Savior. Pray to know what you can do in your life to be closer with Jesus. Record the impressions you receive and then act on them. 

Do you have a morning routine that connects you to your Heavenly Parents throughout the day? Crystal talked about how waking up in the morning to study, journal, and meditate has helped her to feel God’s love throughout her day and build the muscle of personal revelation. What practices are you already doing in your life that help you to feel Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother’s love? What practices do you feel prompted to add? Pray and ponder and then write out the things you feel prompted to do every day to be close to Them. 

I hope you enjoyed the podcast. And if you did, please share it with a friend. I would love it. If you would leave a review and rate it on Apple podcasts. This actually helps more women find the podcast and embrace their own journey on the covenant path. To find more ways to be a part of the Spiritually Minded Women community, head over to For more inspiration follow along on Instagram @spirituallymindedwomen. Have an amazing day. I’m cheering you on in your journey.